Generosity

I struggle with generosity.

This may seem like a strange statement from someone whose income is based on the generosity of others  who give to support my work. It is stranger still when in the last six months I’ve been given a house in Ukarumpa, been built a house in the village and been given a car. The car is almost a bigger deal than the house in Ukarumpa, as they are in much higher demand. So much has been given to me, and I try to always be giving to others, but still, I struggle.

My struggle is with how much to give to whom and when.

Compared to my people in my village I am rich, so in a position to give lots. From my perspective I have given up much in coming here and want to be a good steward of my resources over a long period of time. Where is the balance between holding on for later and blessing someone now? What is judicious giving that does not create a power imbalance and impossible obligations, but builds relationships and expresses generosity?

In a conversation with a village sister, she was telling me about her father. She said that “He was a good man, he did not hide his money but shared it with everyone”. Later that day she shared her last three damp matches with a neighbour. When this is the standard, how do I respond? I clearly have cargo, how liberally do I share it? When I prefer giving in secret, how do I deal with a expectation of visible giving? How do I deal with this long term?

As I pack to return to the village, I realise that if I was being a scrooge, I would probably have half the cargo I currently have. I have packed far more food than I can eat, based on the fact I plan on sharing most of it. I have assorted gifts which I bought on the basis of knowing they are helpful but hard to get in the village. Fishing line, fishing hooks, soap, tea towels, knives, vegetable seeds, rope, sweet potatoes, regular potatoes, carrots, salt, popcorn… small things that build relationships but are not overwhelming. If matches weren’t classified as dangerous cargo, I’d take a pile of them too. There are some larger items, such as a kettle or a lantern, for particular people who have made an extra effort to make me welcome, but most things are small. I don’t have a final answer on how to be a generous but balanced giver, but my cargo pile says I’m working on it.

How to thank the ladies who looked after me in their house for five weeks,
feeding me and boiling hot water for me? A new kettle, a new knife,
a new strainer because I know theirs is broken, fresh
Highlands vegies and maybe some small items.

What I struggle with most is ‘askims’, or expectations that something will be given. I’ve had some clear messages about exactly what someone would like me to bring with from the Highlands for them. Sometimes these requests are reasonable, in that it is from someone who has done a lot for me and reciprocation with a gift is appropriate, but I still struggle with the direct request. So far I’ve been buying some things as requested and being creative with other things. I am trying to both hear the request and reciprocate, while not being forced into purchases. Other people who ask I have a limited relationship with, so I don’t feel so bad saying no.

How to thank the person who did most of the building
 of my house? A long cord on an LED light that will 
attach to my solar power system and extend from 
my house to his, and tools to help him rebuild 
his own house seem appropriate. 

People also ask me to buy things that they will then purchase from me. It is true that I have access to the outside world, to shops and resources in a way that local people do not. To buy things and bring them for them is to bless them with access they did not previously have. Yet, I do not want to run a business of buying and reselling as that will detract from my community based work and undermine local micro businesses. Somewhere there is a balance between being helpful and being a business person. The request for me to find and buy reading glasses to resell seems both reasonable and helpful, and I intend to follow up on it for a future trip.

There are some requests that are easy to turn down, like the day someone asked me to give them their depo family planning shot! They had the capsule, they just needed someone to inject it. The look of surprise and horror on my face when they asked gave all the answer they needed and the conversation ended in laughter. I am not a medic and not going to give shots! I doubt anyone will ask me that again.

How to thank all the women who have helped me with language learning,
 making the thatch for my house, feeding the team at the working bee
and much more? Food and assorted small gifts will hopefully express my thanks.

At the moment I have more questions than answers when it comes to generosity and the giving of gifts. I want to bless others with all the good things I have been blessed with, but I do not want to set myself up for constant cargo expectations. I am sure I will get this balance wrong many times over, in fact I may never find the balance, as it will change with circumstances. At the moment my preference is to err on the side of giving too much.