I struggle with generosity.
This may seem like a strange statement from someone whose
income is based on the generosity of others
who give to support my work. It is stranger still when in the last six
months I’ve been given a house in Ukarumpa, been built a house in the village
and been given a car. The car is almost a bigger deal than the house in
Ukarumpa, as they are in much higher demand. So much has been given to me, and
I try to always be giving to others, but still, I struggle.
My struggle is with how much to give to whom and when.
Compared to my people in my village I am rich, so in a
position to give lots. From my perspective I have given up much in coming here
and want to be a good steward of my resources over a long period of time. Where
is the balance between holding on for later and blessing someone now? What is
judicious giving that does not create a power imbalance and impossible
obligations, but builds relationships and expresses generosity?
In a conversation with a village sister, she was telling me
about her father. She said that “He was a good man, he did not hide his money
but shared it with everyone”. Later that day she shared her last three damp
matches with a neighbour. When this is the standard, how do I respond? I
clearly have cargo, how liberally do I share it? When I prefer giving in
secret, how do I deal with a expectation of visible giving? How do I deal with
this long term?
As I pack to return to the village, I realise that if I was
being a scrooge, I would probably have half the cargo I currently have. I have
packed far more food than I can eat, based on the fact I plan on sharing most
of it. I have assorted gifts which I bought on the basis of knowing they are
helpful but hard to get in the village. Fishing line, fishing hooks, soap, tea
towels, knives, vegetable seeds, rope, sweet potatoes, regular potatoes,
carrots, salt, popcorn… small things that build relationships but are not overwhelming.
If matches weren’t classified as dangerous cargo, I’d take a pile of them too.
There are some larger items, such as a kettle or a lantern, for particular
people who have made an extra effort to make me welcome, but most things are
small. I don’t have a final answer on how to be a generous but balanced giver,
but my cargo pile says I’m working on it. |
| How to thank the ladies who looked after me in
their house for five weeks, feeding me and boiling hot water for me? A new kettle, a new knife, a new strainer because I know theirs is broken, fresh Highlands vegies and maybe some small items. |
What I struggle with most is ‘askims’, or expectations that
something will be given. I’ve had some clear messages about exactly what
someone would like me to bring with from the Highlands for them. Sometimes
these requests are reasonable, in that it is from someone who has done a lot
for me and reciprocation with a gift is appropriate, but I still struggle with
the direct request. So far I’ve been buying some things as requested and being
creative with other things. I am trying to both hear the request and
reciprocate, while not being forced into purchases. Other people who ask I have
a limited relationship with, so I don’t feel so bad saying no.
 |
| How to thank the person who did most of the building of my house? A long cord on an LED light that will attach to my solar power system and extend from my house to his, and tools to help him rebuild his own house seem appropriate. |
People also ask me to buy things that they will then
purchase from me. It is true that I have access to the outside world, to shops
and resources in a way that local people do not. To buy things and bring them
for them is to bless them with access they did not previously have. Yet, I do
not want to run a business of buying and reselling as that will detract from my
community based work and undermine local micro businesses. Somewhere there is a
balance between being helpful and being a business person. The request for me
to find and buy reading glasses to resell seems both reasonable and helpful,
and I intend to follow up on it for a future trip.
There are some requests that are easy to turn down, like the
day someone asked me to give them their depo family planning shot! They had the
capsule, they just needed someone to inject it. The look of surprise and horror
on my face when they asked gave all the answer they needed and the conversation
ended in laughter. I am not a medic
and not going to give shots! I doubt
anyone will ask me that again.
 |
| How to thank all the women who have helped me
with language learning, making the thatch for my house, feeding the team at the working bee and much more? Food and assorted small gifts will hopefully express my thanks. |
At the moment I have more questions than answers when it
comes to generosity and the giving of gifts. I want to bless others with all
the good things I have been blessed with, but I do not want to set myself up
for constant cargo expectations. I am sure I will get this balance wrong many
times over, in fact I may never find the balance, as it will change with
circumstances. At the moment my preference is to err on the side of giving too
much.
