Home Alone

Now that I have my own house in the village, life has changed dramatically. Before my only space was my room and my only quiet time was my siesta. Now I have lots of quiet in every day. This has its own ups and downs.

 Hanging out in the kitchen (D.Petterson)

Having more space to myself has made a huge difference to my energy levels. Before I was in a busy and noisy house. The people were lovely and I’m very thankful for the time spent building those relationships, but I felt like I was surviving each day and then crashing into bed. Now I need to be deliberate in going out to spend time with people. Often I end up back with the family I previously lived with, sitting in the kitchen and hanging out with the women as before. The difference is that when I leave, I return to a place of quiet.

Having more energy because I have more space allows me to focus more on language learning. Previously I was immersed in language all day long, but was often too tired to concentrate well. Now I have my blocks of language immersion, then time at home to go over my notes, listen to my recordings and slow language down to a speed that I can comprehend. Ideally, this means I am building up my language skills for the next round of immersion. Rather than drinking from the fire hose of language learning all day, I have breaks to try and sip at it instead. Being disciplined about continuing my learning at home is a challenge, as it is very easy for me to read a book in my own language rather than continue working at a new language.

Having my own kitchen gives me more control over my diet and the timing of my meals. Small things like familiar food and a variation from fish and sago make a big difference to my ability to focus on other things. The familiarity of food I cook and being able to eat earlier in the evening allow me to invest my energy better in the multitude of other unfamiliar things going on around me.

 Hanging out with the women (H.Schulz)

Returning from my first language learning trip, when I had lived with a family, I was exhausted. I hid in my house for two weeks as a hermit and only came out and socialised after that because I had to. Returning from my second language learning trip, when I was living on my own, I was out and enjoying the company of friends within a few days of my return. The biggest factor in the difference in my social energy levels on my return was having my own house. Having the space gave me the energy to better invest in relationships and language while in the village, even though it does take more discipline.

Daily Downtime

After detailing the exhausting work of language learning, it seems appropriate to let you know one of the ways in which I practice self care and attempt to prevent burn out. Language learning is exhausting, village life is tiring, being on show is frustrating and looking after myself is necessary. One of the primary ways I do this is by having my daily downtime, or afternoon nap.

Each day at lunchtime I retreat to my room for a simple lunch of crackers and spreads. Mostly this is peanut paste and jam, but I also take with a jar of nutella to have one chocolaty cracker per day. It’s amazing what a daily chocolate dose can do for my morale, and so far the ants have not yet broken into my sacred stash. There may well be tears if they ever do.

Noticing moments of beauty and enjoying them renews me.

After lunch I lie down on my bed to relax. I spend much of each day sitting on the floor, and a middle of the day back stretch and relax is mighty helpful. Sometimes I fall asleep, but mostly not. I put my earphones in, turn my music on, shut my eyes and tune out the village for a little while. My mosquito net is my fortress and for an hour or two I am somewhat removed from the stresses around me.

Often I listen to worship music on my phone. Hearing favourite songs with Godly words reminds me of why I am in the swamp in the first place. I am not here for credit or riches, but because I feel called to serve and answer a need. Listening to worship music also reminds me that God is much bigger than my problems, fears and stresses, and to hand them all back rather than worrying myself. This afternoon quiet time is a good time for prayer.

Feeling watched? A crowd waving us off from Teredau.

I pray a lot more in the village than elsewhere. God is the only one I can honestly tell exactly what I am thinking without causing offence. God is also the only one able to solve the challenges of village life. All my other communication in a day is limited by cultural and language barriers. Prayer has no such barriers.

Sometimes I use my down time to write letters, write in my journal or to do puzzle books. I have a mix of crosswords, cryptic crosswords, number puzzles and word puzzles. For someone who is claiming brain exhaustion, puzzling may seem an odd way to relax. What is does is gives me something to puzzle over that I am competent at and restores my confidence that I am indeed an intelligent adult who is able to solve problems. Language learning can be disillusioning, so this sort of encouragement goes a long way.

My sanctuary.

Retreating in the middle of each day allows me to introvert. For me, relationships take energy while time alone renews my energy. Village relationships take lots of energy, as I am still learning how to relate well in the culture around me. I am trying to learn a new set of social cues and this takes focus. I am often confused and this drains me. Even with my daily village introversion time, I still return to Ukarumpa and act like a hermit for a week or two before I’ve really recovered. 

Rest, retreat, music, prayer, puzzles and chocolate. These are the main elements of my daily downtime and how I try to manage my energy levels in the village. Learning how to live well in the village is a work in progress, but this is one step in the right direction.

Introverts in tight spaces

People can use personality type and inventories as an excuse or a weapon (“I can’t do that. I’m an XXXX). I prefer to use them as a tool for understanding that allows me to grow. According to Myers Briggs I am an INFJ, a description I find generally fits well. For those of you wondering if I just used a four letter word to swear at you, do some google-research and decide if the description is accurate. Being an introvert by this definition means I am someone who gains energy in downtime and is worn out by too much people time.

Lookout…how to introvert on a crowded ship

Friends who know me well were surprised when I went to sea full time. Me, packed into a small space with lots of people and no escape?! For sure it was challenging, but I learnt to manage. The benefits of being at sea on a traditional sailing vessel far outweighed the seasickness and personal space challenges. Being on look-out allowed me to stare at the horizon for half an hour at a time and block out the rest of the world. We all respected that when someone was in their bunk with the curtain drawn, they were not to be disturbed. When I got home from sea I would take space for myself, and was thankful for housemates who understood and let me be.

Village work is also a challenge to introverts, as there is little escape in a village situation. People express their hospitality and care by not letting you become lonely and by keeping you safe wherever you go. Sometimes it feels like they crowd me in and stalk me to the toilet, but that is not their intention.

Four nets in a row, in the biggest room we stayed in.
The smallest was about half this size. (Photo: R.Drew)

On our recent trip to Gulf Province, we were four introverts travelling together and being housed in the one room. The psychological barrier provided by a mosquito net is amazing! In each place we stayed, we would survey our room and make a plan. All of us preferred to sleep along the grain of the floorboards, which sometimes made a very tight fit. We’d hang up our nets and come bedtime crawl into our individual caves. Sometimes we were packed so tightly that we almost had to synchronise rolling over in our sleep, yet the nets gave us a sense of personal space. Each in our own net cave, we could read, write, sleep and recharge. Once we managed to walk along the beach. In another place I could sit on the river bank and watch the sun set. These were the snippets of space that kept me going.

Introverting by a river

Returning to our base, we all took the time to catch up on the personal space we had not had for three weeks. I did a very good impression of a hermit for several days. Had the walkway to my backdoor been retractable like a gangway, I would have pulled it in to keep everyone else out. As I have no front door, this would have left me happily isolated in my castle. My big outing was to market, as the desire for fresh food (something else we had been missing out on) outweighed my desire to hide. I don’t think I snarled at anyone at market, but I felt like it.

Just as sailing was worth the challenges, so is translation and village work. While I may struggle to get enough personal space and have sufficient people energy to interact well, I am learning to manage my time and environment better. The rewards of good relationships and opportunities to connect, encourage, support and train people are worth it!